Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Control Dramas: Shining Light On the Energy Vampire Within

by John Boodhansingh of Zero Mindfulness



Satisfactorily Dissatisfied

In the world we’ve grown up in we’ve been told that satisfaction comes from outside of us. This may be the world’s biggest lie, and thus a major cause of dissatisfaction on both the individual and collective levels.

Consider: How many people, of all the billions who have ever lived and the zillions of different things they’ve done, have ever been truly satisfied within based on that which came to them from without?

None. Because it’s not possible. True satisfaction is simply not attainable through transient, external sources. None the less, our society goes on believing it as though it’s an ultimate truth.

Why?

Because it's been taught to us since birth; if not directly than just in the simple fact that if everyone around us is religiously living the external rat race to internal fulfillment, then it must be true...Right? Most of our religions tell us it's without, our movies and TV shows tell us it's without, nearly all business marketing tells us it's without, and on and on unto the ends of this external illusion we call "reality."

But have we ever really defined what we've wanted? Have we ever really analyzed what this thing called "satisfaction" is and why we may only ever experience it in ever fleeting glimpses if at all?

Probably not. So I'm now going to help you out by giving you a little something to get working with...

Defining What We Want

What is satisfaction?

Satisfaction is an energy form which allows us to feel fulfillment, to experience a sense of wholeness, of completion.

Further, this energy is a personal and internal matter—which is actually something we've all learned and know deep down after being betrayed by the promises of the external world about 192 trillion times; that is, by nearly everything we've ever thought, said, or done.

So the problem, then, is that the energy we desire to make us feel good about life is dependent upon the amount of energy outside sources are willing to give us. When that energy isn’t available, because we’re not able to generate it within, we seek ways to externally derive it from the external world in a selfish and nearly always unconscious manner.

Although this most frequently and clearly applies to our resorting to physically or mentally "getting more," such is not what I would like to discuss right now. Instead, I'd like to talk about our attempts to otherwise attain the "satisfactory" feeling via energetic attacks of others, or, said another way, doing that which makes us each into an energy vampire.

Since our internal energetic sense of satisfaction—coming in the forms of joy, peace, love, gratitude, etc.—is forever inhibited, and since our society's mouth is sealed about the the attainment of it, we believe our only recourse to be “biting down in the soft areas of our fellow man and sucking out his life-force."

Of course, this is quite troublesome because it’s energetic thievery and highly dependence-forming. We vampire someone’s energy, we feel a quick high as they become sapped, our energy boost dies off, and we move on to the next victim (or hit the same one again) hoping, hoping, hoping that their energy boost will give us the internal satisfaction we so deeply yearn for.

But it doesn't. Because it's energy sourced from without.

Enter Control Dramas

This is where the energetic life-force leaching, other-manipulating things called control dramas come into play.

There are 5 of these dramas. Typically we pick up at least one predominant drama from our parents/guardians during our early childhood development, though it’s not unreasonable for someone to carry multiple dramas in varying degrees. What dramas an individual may carry are based on what their parents/guardians had, and are intensified to the extent of emotional suppression.

The 5 control dramas are as follows:
  1. Enforcer / Intimidator
    The control drama of Enforcer/Intimidator is such that the person under its spell, so to speak, is very hostile and aggressive. Their solution to the problems of life is thought to be found through anger, control of other, and violence.

    In this role, an individual will seek to gain—that is: steal—energy from others by overpowering them. This could be anything from physical and verbal abuse to parents punishing their kids through threats of punishment to spankings and the like (which, when we get right down to it, truly is physical abuse). Basically, the role-player’s intent is to drive others into a state of fear, helplessness, and submission, at which point those people become highly attentive to the Enforcer/Intimidator as a means of self-protection.
  2. Criticizer / Interrogator
    From the perspective of a Criticizer/Interrogator, everything is uncertain at best and wrong/bad/problematic at worst. This type of person believes that his/her way of life and perspective is the “One Right Way” and so will focus all self-discomfort onto characteristics of people, places, and things in the external world.

    Their tactic for sucking energy from others is to focus on the traits and goings-on of others in an attempt to get the others to feel insecure. From a space of insecurity, one will then either buy into the criticism or questioning as a means of seeking validity for their new-found uncertainty or will somehow show rationalized rejection to the attack, which, unfortunately, still gives the Criticizer/Interrogator the wanted energy because the implication of justification is a fear of being wrong and thus an unstated confirmation that the Criticizer/Interrogator may be right.
  3. Avoider / Aloof
    For one who is an Avoider/Aloof, the objective is to “self-sideline.” These individuals want to say something, but they dare not say it all at once or too loudly. They want others to notice their coyness and work the information out of them.

    The agenda of the Avoider/Aloof is to draw energy from others by offering them just enough information in conversation or inquiry so as to effectively force the other person to ask more questions to get any useful answer. Problem is, a useful answer will not likely be given, and so answers will have to be pried out. This makes for frustration and puts heavy focus on the Avoider/Aloof, meaning the inquirer must deplete his/herself of an unhealthy amount of energy… possibly to no informational benefit—just annoyance.
  4. Complainer / Poor Me / Victim
    The drama of Complainer/Poor Me/Victim is one of passivity in which the world is devoid of hope, in which the glass is always three-quarters empty. This sort of person can see only the negative side of things and makes little if any effort to improve life. And why would they? The problems are perceived, after all, of the external world, never of self.

    To gain energy, one in this role will generally draw from others in either of two ways. The first is to create conversation wherein the other is made to feel guilty. When this guilt is taken on as real the consequence is lost energy because the now-“guilty” party has become focused on the guilt-trip as though it may be true. The second measure this type of person may take is in conversing with others who’re also of the Complainer/Poor Me/Victim mentality. In fact, the person of this disposition will attract those of similar outlook like moths to light. Energetically, this is of grand “benefit” to the Complainer/Poor Me/Victim because all involved conversants are able to feed off of each other's ever-escalating negativity. Though weariness is always the end result, the reinforcement offered by the heightened energy and attention exchange gained during conversation, by the “high,” is perceived as worth it.
  5. Pleaser
    The Pleaser control drama is observable in the one who is forever seeking agreeability. They are the type of person whose self-truth is never expressed because they’re too busy shaping their personality to meet the validation of those around them, however diverse these other people may be at any given time.

    Since the Pleaser feels little if any self-worth, this person will work to sap the energy of others through award-based approval and by doing, saying, wearing, eating, etc. all the things that those in their company prefer themselves. Their source of “energetic income” is the recognition they receive for going above and beyond to align with the status quo (or at least pretending they do to those who are otherwise unaware). If they ever perceive themselves to be doing a displeasure to others, they will rationalize, perhaps profusely, as to why they are sorry and why things went wrong; said another way: a Pleaser will offer a most verbose and cockamamie excuse that couldn’t even pull the wool over the eyes of a sheep.

Personal Experience and a Closing Thought

I was once a Complainer/Poor Me/Victim. Big time. There was always some person, place, or thing to be negative about. There was always a reason why life was devoid of hope.

And the fuel of people, places, and things to confirm my negativity were also what I’d heavily attracted into my life. (Not to say all of these were inherently negatively-oriented, though many were, but that such is the way I'd perceived it all.) I mean, clearly I didn’t want happiness, so why would happiness come? Instead I’d spent my time almost exclusively with those who would support my need to prove to myself that I was, indeed, a helpless victim.

Then it changed. It’s not easy to explain this part because my shift out of the Victim mentality wasn’t conscious, as such. That is to say, it’s not like I’d read what I’ve written above and actively made the effort to change. Rather, I feel like I just became so sick and tired of being misery’s company that I’d experienced an unconscious shift through which 90% of the Poor Me drama just fell away.

And so, while we are all unique and I thus cannot say specifically for any person what will happen should he or she release their control drama(s), I can at least offer this consideration:

If you’ve not healed your control drama(s)—and most people haven’t—you are carrying the proverbial lead weight. Yet you don’t know it because it’s always been there and no one has ever shown it to you… Okay, well, actually…They have unwittingly done so at least 42,000,000 times—you’ve simply not yet had the eyes to see.

And interestingly enough, this “lead weight” consists of a great deal of what could be called your “internal poundage”—that stuff that paradoxically takes up so much inner space but leaves you feeling perpetually unsatisfied and empty.

Yet I tell you, dear reader: You are light as a feather. And what you perceive to be "normal" is anything but.

Resources

For further, more extensive resources, please see the following:

StarStuffs: Inner Wisdom 4 – Energy of Control Dramas

James Redfield’s The Celestine Vision – Chapter 5

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Note: This text is a modified version of a post originally published on 11/8/12 to former personal blog “Without a Story.”

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