Friday, November 18, 2016

Hate Does Not Exist

by John Boodhansingh of Zero Mindfulness

No, don’t worry. I’m not going to feed you some New Age-y “there’s only love” nonsense. That is totally not my style.

As usual, I’m going to rip apart misconceptions in order to reveal an immediate yet oft-hidden truth. So-called “hate” is not what you think.

Indeed, hate doesn’t exist. Sure, maybe as a concept, a word, that points to something else. But hate in and of itself, no, it’s empty.

A Self-Experiment

I have a task for you. I would like you to take a few moments to sit still, close your eyes, and tune out the world. Then I want you to bring to your awareness to someone or something you hate—another person would be preferable. (As we just passed through election season, this should not be difficult!)

For some of you New Age and religious folks, I’m going to be blunt about this: It is very likely that you hate at least one person or one thing. Cut the holier-than-thou avoidance crap of, “I love everyone. I just really strongly dislike,” and, “All is love.” Get over yourself. You’re a human being having a human experience.

Anyway… Who’s the first person that comes to mind? Even if it’s your spouse, the person you claim to be in love with forever and ever, just let it be. It’s okay. Go with it. You don’t have to tell anyone, there are probably a billion others who would have the same thought as you, and one of them could very well be your spouse. This is not about a guilt trip. Remember your goal, here: Truth.

Once you have this person in mind, think of something about them that majorly tweaks you. Can you, somewhere within whatever comes up, find hate?

“I hate my boss.” You might say. “He’s a callous son of a bitch. He pushes his employees around. He micromanages and always wants more. He makes 14 million dollars a year while all the workers make minimum wage—we're the very ones who work our asses off so that he can have a business at all! I hate him!”

Have you found hate yet?

How about now?


No, you haven’t. Because it’s not possible. You may have found what you think is hate, what you believe hate feels like, but that’s not it. Right now you’re seeing and feeling what you call hate but then stopping with that concept. It’s like you see a wooden guidepost to a hairier path, get tweaked by what the guidepost says, and then blame it, punch it, and get a splinter from it… Never bothering to take out the splinter… Not even before you circle around to the same guidepost only to punch it again… And again… And again…

The First Layer of “Hate”: The Surface of Things “Out There”

What most people call “hate” doesn’t actually exist. This is regardless of form—hateful thoughts, hate crimes, or whatever.

What does exist, and what we need to address as individuals, are the “hairier paths” to which our apparent hatred is pointing. Let’s look at the above example of a person’s thoughts about his or her boss:

I hate my boss. He’s a callous son of a bitch. He pushes his employees around. He micromanages and always wants more. He makes 14 million dollars a year while all the workers make minimum wage—we're the very ones who work our asses off so that he can have a productive business at all! I hate him!

The word hate is in here twice. Let’s basically forget about both. They’re not concrete enough to be useful. It sort of helps to know they’re there, but such is just a matter of openness; many people thoroughly avoid saying “I hate” as a means of self-protection from their own negative feelings.

So there’s something perceived to be hate. We need to understand what this supposed hate is in reference to because it’s neither what we think it is nor does it just simply happen.

Which leads to the question: What is tangible in the specific issues presented? Callousness, micromanagement, greed, etc.

We can then question each as to how they affect us and why we think they might affect us in such way.

The Second Layer of “Hate”: Rejection of Inner Feelings

Let’s use micromanagement as an example.

You claim to hate your boss because (remember, hate doesn’t just happen) he micromanages you. How does this make you feel? As though you’re not good enough? That you’re unable to think for yourself and make your own intelligent decisions? It makes you frustrated, angry, and resentful? And you blame him for these woes, do you not?

Do you see what I’m getting at? You don’t hate your boss. Rather, you feel frustration and anger and resentment, and you blame your boss for causing the churning up of painful issues that are already within you. Unless you want to use a one-word cover for your personal issues while keeping up the finger of blame, there’s no hate anywhere in this.

“But it’s just not right,” you may clamor. Right or wrong makes no difference. The fact is: it’s happening. And you’re suffering like mad and blaming someone else when you are the cause.

The Third Layer of “Hate”: The Childhood Authority Figure(s)

Once acknowledging such a fundamental truth, we can crawl further down the rabbit hole. To do so, we could inquire as to why we’ve attracted the given experience. A question like this is particularly appropriate for those who have had several jobs and have noticed how most if not all of their bosses had been micromanagers.

This may be rationalized by saying something such as, “Managers are just crappy like that nowadays,” or, “It’s my bad luck.” Problem is, excuses are typically as empty as the idea of hatred is.

You’ve had, say, three bosses who were all micromanagers. Think about this for a minute… Does the essence of micromanagement by an authority figure remind you of anybody? Perhaps when you were a child? A certain pivotal figure in your life from whom you’d learned a great deal about “how life is”…?

And do you suspect that maybe, just maybe, life has drawn you and any less-than-respectful bosses together in order for you to see the childhood authority figure’s junk programming running within you so that you could, with an adult mind, see it, learn from it, and heal it?

The Fourth (and Final) Layer of “Hate”: Core Issues

We’ve seen that when our programming is triggered we drop into negativity. So too have we seen that we’re playing out the same programming we’d played out toward a primary childhood figure of authority. But there’s something else: the lowest depths of this inner rabbit hole are related to our core life struggles.

Continuing with the example: By the fact that you carry a raging sense of all-encompassing and -enshrouding hate and blame, the implication is that you’re doing little if anything to improve your situation. You could get a different job, you could stand up for yourself, you could become a cave-dwelling ascetic. In other words, you could choose to take responsibility, to do any of about 83 million other things than the very same, one, suffering-inducing thing you’ve been doing for the last 5, 15, or 60 years.

Why don’t you get a different job? Why don’t you stand up for yourself? Why don’t you change your life path altogether?

Welcome to the home of core issues.

Self-rejection. Fear of abandonment. Worthlessness. Helplessness. Hopelessness. Uselessness. Too stupid. Too Weak. Inadequate. Fear of punishment. Fear of loss. Fear of rejection. Fear of criticism. Victim mentality. Shame. Guilt. Invisibility. Insecurity. Childhood trauma. Fear of disapproval. Fear of invalidation.

I’m sure I’ve missed a few and not all will necessarily apply to you, but I’ve no doubt you’ll find something pertinent in there.

As the name suggests, core issues are a really big deal. They are the negative, and typically unconscious, drivers of the majority of suffering and inhibition a person experiences in life. If you want to see your suffering come to an end, you must confront these issues.

A Note on Self-Hate

While this writing has been focused on hate directed “out there,” it’s quite common for people to carry hatred toward themselves.

If you notice the latter in yourself, your work is basically the same as above. Start by tossing out the belief that you hate yourself, because you don’t. Then see what triggers you (ex: unhappiness), see how you feel about it (anger, depression, etc.), and then work to understand how you may have learned it (ex: a parent), what you’ve been taught about it (ex: “unhappiness is bad and should be avoided”), and what negativity is at its core (ex: self-rejection out of fear of disapproval for not being happy).

Home Sweet Home

Now that you’ve taken a brief tour around the inner-self rabbit hole, what do you think? Does it feel like home yet!?

Not quite?

Do the work and it will. Slowly but surely. Because the truth is that you are home. It’s just that a load of garbage has accumulated so it’s hard to find a place to sit or the location of the windows.

But thankfully you don’t have to wait until “garbage night” to take out the trash. In life, every moment is garbage night. Toss it, toss it, and toss it. And whenever you find a window, let the light shine in! …And then keep tossing!

An Alternate Perspective to Hatred

Even if we assume hatred does exist as most people currently think of it, it is a really foolish thing to bother one’s self with. “I hate this, and I hate that. I hate him, and I hate her,” people vent. If you find yourself in any remotely similar position—indeed, if you feel hatred toward anything whatsoever—I would like you to consider on what your hatred is founded… I’ll give you a hint: It’s a sand heap that’s already being washed back into the ocean even as you stressfully effort to maintain it.

Here’s the thing: We’ve been taught since time immemorial to love what is good and hate what is bad, to love what is right and hate what is wrong. But all these supposed goods and bads, rights and wrongs are based solely on individual and collective perception. Which means that they’re all based, usually, not on inner wisdom, on Truth, but on ideas originating from “out there” somewhere and somewhen in an ever-changeful and often very confused world.

Beliefs might only be said to be “true” when the setting of life suggests them to be so. Most of the time, however, beliefs are false because the settings in which those beliefs seemed true (or at least appropriate) are no longer present.

It therefore makes a lot of sense for us to regularly evaluate the legitimacy of our beliefs and let go of the ones that no longer apply. Strangely, this type of sensibility has not yet been developed in most humans as worthy of having. For, in fact, the majority of people hold on to their beliefs for dear life, instead preferring cognitive dissonant “knowing”—our world doesn’t match what’s going on in our minds, but, hey, at least we’re “comfortable”… just like the rest of the herd…

Folks, do yourselves the favor of reassessing your beliefs and releasing those that either seem to no longer apply to life or which you'd taken on just because someone told you something was true. And then release every other belief. Because, ultimately, every belief is false.

Belief creates separation, separation drives fear, fear drives what we’ve come to call “hatred.” The result is a manipulated perception that reinforces the apparent actuality of the same beliefs that had created the whole mess to begin with.

Your beliefs of this or that merely inhibit.

By contrast, the Truth just is, now. It stands completely for itself, by itself.

The only thing any of us need to do is see it, and hatred will disappear like it had never existed.

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