Saturday, December 31, 2016

The Time and Space Paradox

by John Boodhansingh of Zero Mindfulness

Author's Note: It's New Year's Eve. In less than 7 hours it will be 2017... At least for those of us on the East Coast of the US in Daylight Savings Time. But depending on where you live, 2017 could come a little earlier or a little later. In fact, for some of you it already is 2017... And that's true. I mean, it's time. So, yeah, it's definitely real...

Or, maybe we're just making shit up!

Whatever the case... 2017 or just simply right
now, have a blessed one. And remember that a successful New Year's Resolution is merely the external fulfillment of a prior or "co-inside-ent" internal shift. If you truly want change, don't make it—be it.

Time and Space Exist

Time exists.

Within your mind there is a past, present, and future. You recall what you’ve done, you are aware of what you’re doing now, and you make plans to do things later on.

When you go to bed at night, you set your alarm clock to wake you abruptly at 6:30 a.m. This timing allows you the temporal interval within space to get ready for work or school or the dentist appointment you’ve agreed to be at by 8:00 a.m.

In similar fashion, all runs like clockwork.

Space exists.

If you want to get from where you are to a friend on the other side of town, you must travel that distance. You must move your physical body from Point A—here—to Point B—there. For you there exists no shorter distance than as the crow flies. Naturally, this movement will take time.

And conventional physics proves this all out. We live in a space-time continuum wherein there cannot exist time without space nor space without time. Whatever is space and is in space cannot exist if there weren’t the dimension of time for it to exist in. Similarly, there would be nothing we could measure in what we call “time” if there were neither a space in which things could reside nor any space of differentiation between those things.

Time and space are certain and inseparable.

Except when they're not.

Time and Space Do Not Exist

The present moment, the now, is all that exists. The past and future of your mind do not. You don’t usually have to think, particularly about the past or future, and what happens when you do stop thinking is your awareness shifts into the eternally present now: the only place your body, emotions, process of thinking, or unfoldment of life will ever be. Even should you be able to physically travel backward or forward in time, your personal experience would still be experienced now.

And that clock that abruptly wakes you every morning at 6:30 a.m.? It’s just a device designed to repeat a sequence of numbers or swing arms over a series of numbers arranged in a circle. Which can tell you a lot about the appearance of devices designed to repeat a sequence of numbers or swing arms over a series of numbers arranged in a circle. But it says precisely nothing about any “reality” of time.

If the argument is that clocks are synced to the position of the earth in relation to the sun, what time is it if you step off the earth? What if you’re standing on the sun or floating around in space out near Aldebaran? What time is it there? What time was it long before “informed,” 21st century humans roamed the earth, when the planet was a post-supernova molten ball of ore not yet in its current orbit? What time is it if you’re traveling faster than light?

Time to get a new watch, I suppose.

You might also consider the individualized perception of time. Here are two ways of looking at it, both using dualistic poles as reference points:

The first is in regard to the phrase, “The more you do, the more you can do.” While this is true in the sense that the more you do in life the more you will grow and learn and become more capable, there is also a more subtle reference to the dimension of time.

When you don’t do much and see time as lacking/limited, you’re “hastening time”; meaning, it really does seem 100% as if you don’t have enough time to get stuff done. Contrarily, when you remain active and put little if any focus on time, although time may seem to progress quickly (at least in hindsight), you’ll find that you can and do accomplish far more than in inert-lack mode; in other words, you’re “stretching time.”

The second way is thus: On one hand, there is the person in a torture chamber (like you at the dentist’s office at 8:00 a.m., for example) whose experience of “minutes” is more like “hours.” On the other hand, there’s the person at a theme park—or maybe it’s the dentist himself!—who experiences “hours” like “minutes.”

Being that individual perception and awareness are everything, that nothing would be without them, what can be concluded is that time is solely a function of individual awareness, of one’s mental perception as related to any given experience that observer is having in any given moment within space…

A space that does not exist, either. How can it, if time does not exist?

If all is now, then all must be here, as a point; what some call “The Singularity” or “Oneness,” wherein separation and distance are merely perceptual.

Consider in example the observation made in a quantum physics experiment: When two entangled particles are measured, regardless of how far they are separated, the measurement of one simultaneously effects the behavior of the other. This has resulted in what is named “non-locality”—a scientific way of saying, “time and space are illusory.”

The Time and Space Paradox

All in all, perception and awareness are everything.

No-thing can exist if it is not contained within awareness, if it cannot be perceived. And if it can be, then it must, necessarily, in this life as we think we know it, be part of the space-time continuum. Which is striking because if time can be so malleable, as seen in the examples provided, then it must follow that time is an illusion. Which would mean, inescapably, that space is also an illusion.

Which would very much suggest that physical life itself is an illusion.

The Singularity

I hope you'll take an extra 3 minutes to watch this video titled: "The Universe Explained In Under 3 Minutes." Although short, I feel it does a great job is summing up the time and space paradox.

Monday, December 12, 2016

You Don't Know What You've Got When You're Gone

by John Boodhansingh of Zero Mindfulness

“You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone,” they say.

How come?

Many would reason that it’s just the way life is; a part of human nature.

To some extent I agree with this, but it’s certainly not my final answer.

How It’s Been

For ages untold we’ve lived very limited lives. Our primary driving force has been the constant fight for resources, survival, dominion, and so forth. Add in countless self-protective beliefs and fears passed down through the generations, and we have quite an intense concoction of perception-distorting and life-inhibiting ick.

All this internal weight has us setting our focus of concern and personal identity on a difficult past and an uncertain future. This offers a large clue as to why we don’t know what we’ve got until it’s gone: Though living our lives moment-by-moment in appearance, due to a lack of conscious body, mind, spirit integration, we do not actually engage with each arising moment anew but as a reaction (subtle or overt) to the perceptual distortion of a past-future lens.

And so through to the present day, even while a great many of us live in relative safety and abundance, most of humanity still plods along with the old weight.

We take the bus into center city and can’t take our eyes off the scruffy-looking man with all the piercings and tattoos. Though we don’t know him, our mind never stops imagining all the scenarios of how he’s a threat to our well-being. So zeroed-in are we in our automatic-judgment focus that we miss the numerous signs of his friendliness.

We go on vacation and take 195 thousand pictures to remember the past on some future day. “My, oh, my,” we say when it’s time to leave. “That went so fast.”

We drive to work with our focus on the job we’ve been busy with. When we finally arrive, a coworker asks how the traffic was and we cannot seem to recall it.

We’ve been living whole lives like this, so fixated on past and future and false threats that attentiveness to now has been virtually unimaginable. Most humans, I'm sure, have never even considered that they've not been present. Our bodies are here, and our minds are merely focused on matters that are either perceived as life-critical or part of the seemingly unavoidable thought-stream of “who I am.”

The Old Saying

The old saying—“You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone”—is one suggestive of fear, regret, lack, loss, and longing. It invokes sadness and dissatisfaction at the transience of things, at the brevity of experience.

Thankfully, these things are not inherent human concerns—they are either the ways of creation’s flow (transience, for instance), or they are the consequence of learned egoic grasping for what is not. (The most base survival fears are fine. It’s the mentalization of fear, “the story,” that consumes sanity.)

Life focuses on life—now—and all is eternally perfect and precise. Which means the perceived struggle is not an external inconsistency but an internal one. Only to an untamed ego-mind is the now not good enough and the past and future made vastly more important. An imbalanced psyche, emotional instability, and a troubled physical experience are the natural outcome.

No wonder we don’t know what we’ve got until it’s gone: We’re typically so caught up in past and future, rather than what is occurring immediately before and within us, that we miss out on fully experiencing the present moment—the only when there ever is. A large part of our “experiencing” therefore only comes to us in hindsight, if we can remember it at all.

A Brighter Future

I have a new saying:

You don’t know what you’ve got when you’re gone.

Because life is always unfolding here and now—it’s we who have been away.

As a collective, this is what we are now learning. We are not our past and future: neither have any power over us unless we consent.

Which is to say that we can free ourselves from the shackles of fear, of regret, of loss and longing, of lack and disappointment; we can cease our grasping for what is not.

Which is to say that, just as the rest of life flows, so can we flow with the ever-renewing here and now unfoldment of all things, experiencing life fully in each moment.

To do so, we must shift our attention to what is happening right here and now; we must see life as painted over a canvas of silence and stillness rather than under a set of self-betraying beliefs and fears.

What could be more straightforward than that?

Nothing. Because we are already here and now. There’s really nothing to do except be.

Friday, December 9, 2016

Words Are For the Herds - Part 2

by John Boodhansingh of Zero Mindfulness

[Updated 12/27/16. See “Anagrams” section.]

Back in November of 2015, I posted a blog titled, “Words Are for the Herds.” I recommend checking it out. It’s serious, but it’s fun at the same time—a break from my usual.

What follows is Part 2. Like the first part, I’m going to take everyday words and examine them under unconventional lighting. My intention is to show you how words are more than mere letter arrangements with agreed upon meanings.

When we hear a phrase like, “Words have power,” we’re prone to first (and maybe only) thoughts such as the hurt of verbal bullying. Deeper, and we might think of the way we sign our names at the bottom of incomprehensible, legally-texted documents and wonder if we’re not giving our souls away.

While these can all be accurate, limited for nearly everyone is an awareness of the base energetic attachment and manifestation potential that words have. Limited for nearly everyone is an oft-spontaneous insight into the unconventional breakdown of words and the variations of inconspicuous meanings this gives rise to.

Sounds intense, or just an over-exaggeration, to describe words this way, I know. But without a grasp on the deeper implications of a language (English, in this case), we miss out on the truth of what it is we’re giving up—and we are giving something up—typically unwittingly—when we take our language for granted. When in this state of ignorance, like I’d begun Part 1 by saying, it ends up that words are not used by people so much as people are used by words.

A Few Notes On Energy

Let’s start off with some words on energy.

Why is energy important? Because energy is everything. Every thought, every utterance, every person, every object, every everything is made of energy. And each of these things carries some varying degree of energy which allows each to be more or less different from everything else. Furthermore, the only reason any given thing exists is because attention is focused onto it. If something isn’t given energy, it will cease to exist (at least as far as a human viewer’s conscious awareness is concerned).

Words are energy, and energy is power. If there is any intensity of emotion behind words being used, this will increase that word’s energetic power. The intent behind words is also of concern—many cruel people have used words such as “love” and “peace” to fool and harm a great many people over the ages.

What we need to know is that a word’s power is personal, and often collective, energy being focused on what exists. In other words, whether we want something or not, by the fact that we put energy into it, we perpetuate that very thing. It is our energy, our very life force, that we direct toward things (and usually very foolish things, if I might say so myself) to a loss of this energy we need to sustain our lives clearly, healthily, joyfully.

Are you grasping yet why excess and/or ignorant verbiage is unwise and why not understanding the implications of the words we speak can be so harmful? Just because words may appear as naught by a device for communicating ideas does not mean that the words used do not have a large impact on both personal lives and those of the collective.

Knowingly or unknowingly, as long as we give a thing our energy we’re effectively telling life: Yes, I support this. Please give me more.

Adding On the Misery

Seeing what’s been stated here about life supporting what we focus on, we’d do well to evaluate how we focus on issues such as difficulty and poverty/lack and the like.

We get into a tough situation and we can’t stop thinking about how rough and painful it is, how we don’t deserve it, and so on. Or we’ve got a mindset that’s focused on lack and so, even though we have plenty of food and clothes, an education, a job, a spouse (who also has a job), kids, cars, a house, and any or all of the “extras” like cable, home phone, cell phone, internet, a boat, an RV, and insurance for everyone and everything, we still repeatedly tell ourselves, Money is tight. I can’t pay for [this], I have to cut out [that].

If we find ourselves in such a situation, let’s look at the words we’re directing our heavy fear attention on. Right there is a lot of life energy focusing on the negative. We say we don’t want and don’t have, yet this negative is almost all we think about. If we don’t want or have and would like the opposite, why don’t we drop our intent attachment to that which is clearly sustaining our misery? After all, especially in the “don’t have enough” situations, it is so common that the very things we say we don’t have enough of are already in our hands!

Obscene Truths

Now for the actual picking-apart of words. We’ll begin with “obscene truths.” This category is for the set of words that we repeat over and over again without a second thought but with insight would see how the words are indicative of very self-serving intentions.

Human Resources. At least here in the US, the branch of a business that deals with employment concerns is labeled “Human Resources.” Not “Employment-“ or “Employee Services” or some such thing, but “Human Resources.” If we understand the horrendous condition of US Big Business (which is neither accident nor necessity), it’s clear that this one can be taken quite literally.

A “human” is meant to be a unique, free, creative being of the highest level of intelligence and self-awareness. Due to heavy programming, quite the contrary has become the case. And a “resource”? We generally refer to resources as expendable forms of potential energy—coal, oil, hydropower, etc.—required to satisfy the demands of a certain objective. In the case of “human resources,” yep… “Use ‘em, abuse ‘em, and lose ‘em—there’re always more.”

To spice things up even further, let's look at the word employ, itself. The prefix "em-" is defined in ways such as "to cause to be in" and "to confine in." The word "ploy" is defined as a "ruse," or "trick to gain the advantage." Which makes employment by another as: "the state of being confined in a trick situation that will give someone else the upper hand."

Another "obscene truth" is a term that comes from the military and has to do with a soldier’s deployment schedule: ship date. Which is to say: Soldiers are expendables purchased by the Military Industrial Complex (MIC) and trained (i.e.: brainwashed) to behave like automatons. In having any sense for the true intentions of the MIC, we’d recognize that “ship date” isn’t an accident either. The MIC has no positive intentions, and never have. Presidents have even warned of this in public speeches. “Shipped” is a word for objects, not people.

Same Word Different Meaning Same Meaning

The example word here is contract.

How did you just read it: CON-tract or con-TRACT? Well, guess what? It doesn’t really matter because they both mean the same damn thing.

“Con-TRACT” --> to pull inward.
“CON-tract” --> to make an agreement with someone else.

When something con-TRACTS, it compresses, it shrinks, it gets smaller.

When we make an agreement with someone else, we sign (or shake or pinky swear on) what is ultimately an energetic CON-tract. This energetically attaches us to that which is agreed upon. In making this CON-tract, we con-TRACT our personal energy supply for extraneous things.

This explains why some people just completely and randomly lose their shit. Totally out of touch with satisfying their own needs, they are intensely invested in the negatives of life imposed by others. This severe and unnatural contraction isn’t a stable way for humans to exist. To be sending one’s energy out in a billion-some unhealthy directions, the person must necessarily get smaller and smaller but with an increasingly proportional need to expand. At some point, they must go—


Existential Truths

This next word type I’m going to call "Existential Truths." It’s accurate, I think, but also feels to me like a misnomer. For now, it’s the best I’ve got.

Individual --> “In-divide-you-all”
To appear individual, all must be divided. This could infer a collective: When all are working as one, there is no division, no all that is divided. Alternately, the implication could be of a single person’s non-integrity: When our mind is in a state of dis-integration, all that [you] are is divided. We therefore appear in a reality of wholeness as residing in an illusion of completely separate entities.

Individuality --> “In-divide” and “Duality”
Duality implies division: The dis-integrated mind perceives separation of what is actually one. The illusion of duality exists in this apparent divide. The experience of duality ends where mind integration, self-realization, begins.

Realize --> “Real-eyes”
In a far truer sense than how we typically use this word, realization not a simple remembering such as, “I realized the meeting was at 6 o’clock, not 5.” It is instead a word indicative of profound insight. And what is insight…?

Get it? This one should be so easy…!

“In-sight,” or sight within. True realization is the seeing of truth within—truth that is witnessed by one’s very being rather than a mental notice or recall or a physical input from an external stimuli.

Anagrams [Updated 12/27/16.]

An anagram is a word that spells another word (or more) when its letters are rearranged. Like Evangelist, which is “EVILS AGENT.”

For this set of words, my inspiration came from the US’s absolute disaster of a for-supreme-profit-to-the-indifference-of-human-health Big Medical and Big Pharmaceutical systems. Inputting some medications into the anagram finder box at, I found the first two of the following:

Humira --> “I HARM U”
“Humira” is an immunosuppressant with side effects including an increased risk of infections, heart failure, and cancer. But at least it masks arthritis pain!

Acetaminophen --> “AN HEPATIC OMEN”
“Hepatic” is a medical term used to describe liver-related things. “Acetaminophen” is a very common substance used in over-the-counter pain medications—and has the side effect of liver damage.

Delsym --> “MYS LED” --> Mis-led
This third one I noted myself one day in an advertisement. It’s simply a reversal of the letters and a minor deviation in pronunciation. This particular drug is used as a cough suppressant… I suppose we could make “my sled” out of it too. Hop on “my sled” for a speedy ride down hormone-block hill and crash right into deeper sickness.

[Update 12/27/16:](As a side note: Unless I say specifically otherwise, I do not necessarily believe, for example, that some cruel bastard is sitting in a Big Pharma office trying to come up with inside joke, anagram names for destructive medications. Maybe there is, I don’t know. But I do feel strongly that much of this word work simply comes down to the wittiness of life itself.)

I take back most of the last paragraph. Do I still think that some of this word meaning business comes down to the wittiness of life itself? Yes. But, keeping in mind what I'm already aware of, what I’d seen on Christmas Day got me thinking it highly likely that, at least in the case of medication, there really is some cruel bastard sitting in a Big Pharma office trying to come up with inside joke names for destructive medications.

I was watching TV and an ad came on for the drug Namzaric. My attention immediately focused on how the name might be a disguise for crappy intentions. It came to me easily enough: flip the name around and give a slight twist to the pronunciation.

Namzaric --> cirazman --> (with a hard "c" sound...) “CIR-AY-ZEE-MAN” --> “Crazy man”

Not the name of a drug for diabetes or eczema, but for Alzheimer’s—an illness with symptoms such as confusion, disorientation, delusion, personality changes, lack of restraint, hallucination, and paranoia.

Coincidence? I call bullshit on that.

Expanding Perception

With this article, the last one, and any research and insight of your own, you will come to find that words aren’t mere words. Some, yes. But a great many of them are somehow suggestive of things that can’t be caught by average perception.

In choosing conscious expansion, we begin noticing the more subtle, energetic, and implicit nature of things. We “real-eyes” the immense power we wield in using words—or not using them.

As our awareness becomes more and more integrated, it seems natural to be less inclined to talk, to buy all the ego-mind chatter, to take personally the verbose emptiness that the external world (other people, advertisements, TV, evangelists, etc.) act as if is so true and important.

Because words are mostly for the herds. To the false self, words make definitions, definitions create a misleading perceptual solidity of what is not actually real, and all of life becomes a lie. The energetic power of one’s self—that is one’s self—ends up being exhausted in 48 billion different directions, none of which have any bearing on who we truly are or what truly is.

Thus are the words of Plato fitting:

“Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something.”

Click here for: “Words Are for the Herds – Part 3”.

Monday, December 5, 2016

When Protective Love Sours

by John Boodhansingh of Zero Mindfulness

Have you ever made yourself vulnerable by behaving out of norm or expectation—even in a way that could have been quite beneficial—only to be reamed out by a parent or some other authority figure?

I’m sure you have. But have you also understood the mentality from which that attack had come?

You may have come up with a number of reasons more mature than, “Because they’re assholes!” But I’m going to go out on a limb and guess it’s far less likely you’ve come up with the same one I offer here.

Skewed Perception

When we make ourselves vulnerable by forgoing normalcy, expectation, and so on, other people may attack us for it.

Not that these others would necessarily think themselves to be making an attack.

Sometimes, yes. When a person behaves in a way they know is going to sting another while having no constructive purpose, this is an obvious attack. And I think most people would realize it as such within, regardless of what rationalizations they may try giving themselves or others.

But there’s another form of attack that’s founded in negativity without appearing particularly negative to the ones acting it out. This is for the reason that the behavior is believed to be based in love. Trouble is, this “love,” as it is experienced in the realm of duality, must be distorted in some way from true Love.

Of course, this distortion isn’t recognized—the attacking would cease if it were. Such recognition takes brutal self-honesty plus a sharp perception and self-awareness. If one is actively and steadily going on the offensive, they mustn’t have the wherewithal to comprehend the implications of their doings.

Intending Protection

So, what is the other form of attack that comes in the perceptual guise of “love”?

Suppose that half way through college you were to tell your parents you’re moving to another country. Forget the degree, forget a “proper” future, you’re going to Iceland.

“WHAAAAAT!?” your parents shriek. “What about your future? Your relationship? Your job? What about starting a family, a steady income, paying off your loans? This is insanity! Only an idiot would do something like this. You’ve hardly been out of your own hometown and now you say you’re moving 13,000 miles away! You know nothing about it. You don’t know the native language or customs. Don’t you realize how dangerous this could be!?”

The berating goes on, and gossip follows. Many times the situation is worsened with children who disappoint an authority figure—especially their parents—and are spanked, grounded, belittled, and so on.

This other type of attack, which can very much hurt the vulnerable ones, is, interestingly enough, a distorted-love effort at protection.

An Alternate Perspective

You told your parents you’d decided to leave for Iceland, and they instantly ripped you a new one. Or maybe you didn’t finish your dinner so they grounded you for two weeks. Or maybe your bodybuilder father ridiculed you constantly for being a wimpy piece of junk because you’d preferred to play video games than be a tough guy gym junkie like him. The possible scenarios are endless.

I’d like you to place yourself in one such occurrence—choosing one from personal experience is best.

Have it in mind?

Now I would like you to view this experience in the light of a perspective that could well be beyond any other you may have come up with as to why, when you’ve made yourself vulnerable, that someone like a parent or teacher would be so willing to hurt you.

Consider this: They fear for your safety.

Yes, the discomfort they perceive as a consequence of your behavior is their own imbalance being reflected back to them. They are the ones taking unkindly to it and then blaming and hurting you. But it’s important to understand that such offenders don’t see things this way; they don’t see their false beliefs or fears or traumas playing out. If they do happen to notice in any way, they do just as we’ve all been taught: they immediately disavow personal responsibility.

Attackers behave as they behave because they think they're keeping themselves and others safe from imaginary threats perceived to be very, very real. They therefore have no grasp on the fact that they are not actually providing loving action as they believe. It’s simply not possible because their deeper sense of true Love is all intermingled with piles of inner garbage they'd associated with that Love. Attackers are a product of their (mainly) parent-derived programming. Even the most horrific of junk is assumed (by a child) to be Love because children want only that and know no difference in their naivete and innocence that such negativity is not Love.

So, distorted though it may be, when you choose to be vulnerable, offensive moves made against you are often attempts to protect you. Those who attack you want what they want for you because they see you as being in danger and fear for your safety. In the name of “love,” they don’t want to see you get hurt.

Ironic, is it not?


What then is there to do but forgive them? If we see the truth and the attackers don’t realize what they’re doing, what is there to hold against them? To blame them for? To be angry about and hold a grudge against them for?

They realize neither that there is no immediate danger to protect from nor that they are actually causing more damage than if they’d done nothing at all. And they can’t even imagine the possibility that, left to one’s own devices, making one’s self vulnerable might actually be—i.e.: usually is—far better off than sheltering and belittlement.

Their intentions, perceived by them as good, are only as high as their programming allows. They don’t understand the harm they’re truly doing. They may recognize some level of harm, like parents who spank their children, but they must still believe for some reason that this “preventative” hurt is offsetting the potential hurt of vulnerability.

In any of its dualistically-skewed varieties, offenders are showing their version of “love” the best way they know how.

Impersonality and Gratitude

If you were in a burning house and someone went in and saved you, you would probably thank them profusely for saving your life, for lovingly protecting you from severe harm. Similar goes here. Danger is perceived and then action is taken to protect you, the seemingly vulnerable. You may get burned on the way through, but at least you still have your life, so the logic could go.

Taking a higher viewpoint, you should now be able to see that there is nothing to take personally, nothing to take offense to.

Hopefully you’ll even realize the great blessing of the hurt as it’s a guidepost for in-looking and self-realization. Which is to say that potentially great healing is on offer.

A choice thus comes to you: Will you hold on, or will you forgive and gratefully accept the opportunity for self-discovery?

Wearing the Attacker’s Shoes

If you find that you’re responsible for attacking others under the guise of “loving” protection, now is a great time to do some self-inquiry. You could ask yourself about what you might be trying to get or to protect.

Superficially, you might imagine that by, say, grounding your daughter for going out to play after dark is done so that she learns “the rules,” so that she remembers “who’s in charge,” or because you want her to “be safe” that you see it as justifiable to teach her to stay in “the hard way.”

Pulling out a pen and paper might bring you to a very different conclusion. You might start coming up with realizations such as you treating your daughter exactly as your parents had treated you—with hurt in the name of “love.” You might find that you seek to control your daughter because when her location is unknown, especially after dark, you feel powerless, helpless.

Or suppose your daughter is a daily marijuana smoker and you rage at her daily for doing it. As her parent you may think, “It’s illegal, it’s bad, it’s stupid, I hate it, she’s obsessed,” and so on. But none of these feelings offer any objectivity whatsoever. So stop. Take a few steps back and reevaluate each concern. Do you actually know anything about marijuana aside from what “the authorities” have told you is “true”? Could you hate it because you’d had a bad experience with it yourself when you were younger? Figure it out.

Another very useful question to ask is why your daughter might have taken on any perceived-to-be-negative behavior she has. This is to be asked in light of the question: Could you as her parent be the principal driver of your daughter’s behavior? Could you regularly be hurting her in the name of “love” and she’s looking for an escape? Might you not give her enough attention for the positive, so she uses negativity to get more? Could you have her constantly walking on eggshells in fear of being punished, so she uses smoking to keep relaxed? Although this line of questioning may not bring you exacting answers, it will help you to reveal your own junk, as will it will help you to see that there are many perspectives—some far more rational—beyond your limited, “this-is-how-it-is” perspective.

And, finally, be mindful that the primary teachers of a child—no matter what the age—are his or her parents. If your daughter is addicted, figure out if you are the one who’s teaching it. Be intensely honest and take great care not to get caught up in appearances. No, you may have never smoked marijuana in your life. But addiction is addiction is addiction in that the same themes of belief in lies, avoidance of discomfort, and so forth underlie all of it. No matter what you may talk, if you’re daily walk is one of, say, drinking or workaholism, the underlying energy she’s picking up is one that says: “Addiction is an acceptable practice to avoid pain.”

All told, you could find quite a number of issues, none of which your daughter is directly responsible for. But, consequently, a great many of which you could be hurting her for out of fear of facing your own discomfort.

To those on the giving end, I will say to you verbatim that which I offered those on the receiving end:

Taking a higher viewpoint, you should now be able to see that there is nothing to take personally, nothing to take offense to.

Hopefully you’ll even realize the great blessing of the hurt as it’s a guidepost for in-looking and self-realization. Which is to say that potentially great healing is on offer.

A choice thus comes to you: Will you hold on, or will you forgive and gratefully accept the opportunity for self-discovery?

Disclaimer: To those on the receiving end: This has nothing to do with being abused and using my words as a rationalization to "forgive and accept" and then allow it to continue. If you’re in that kind of situation, get out as fast as possible. Walk out, call the police and have the abuser arrested, or whatever you need to do to stand up for yourself. Then get to (inner-)work on yourself, because you have a lot to take care of. I do not endorse sugar-coating, delusion, or foolishness.