Thursday, January 19, 2017

"...And Maybe I'm Just Makin' Shit Up!"

by John Boodhansingh of Zero Mindfulness

Things have been intense lately.

I don’t necessarily mean this in terms of what’s happening “out there.” Yes, much of “out there” is going bonkers. But it is very possible to detach from the collective and remain calm within ourselves as “out there” goes off the deep end…or, in many cases, merely appears to.

It has just seemed to me lately that the subtle energies of life, existence, of the cosmos, of awakening are pushing majorly for us—or me and a few others, at least—to detach from all that is not in alignment with our true nature.

Today I had intended to do a particular “something.” It wasn’t a necessity, but something that I’d seen as important and had felt would have enhanced my life. While I could have acted sooner and felt both personally interested and intuitively guided toward it, for some weeks now I’d lingered until I’d sorted out some related issues.

Feeling more confident, today, about the decision and intending to follow through… I didn’t act. Not because I blew the opportunity or something, but because things just suddenly became what I can only term “irresonant.” It’s quite hard to explain, as the shift was so abrupt, so unexpected, so strange, even. It’s like everything was the same as ever, yet completely different at the same time; this not being in a good or bad way but simply one like, Things are different now—let go.

What I’m increasingly finding out is that I really don’t know much of anything. I may have strong beliefs or feelings about something one week or one day, and it seems like the universe is in support of it… Only to get to the next week or the next day (time being arbitrary) and find that whatever it is I’ve been thinking and feeling either needs to be overhauled or dropped altogether—the support often being unexpectedly pulled out from beneath my feet. My actions, intentions, desires, and so forth must be questioned and reevaluated constantly. Even that which, like writing this blog, I feel a soul-driven inspiration to do. It must be questioned, and I must be willing to give it up, promptly and without evident reason, if the intuitive impulse should come to do just that.

It for this reason that as of late I’ve frequently found myself following up any given thoughts with the exclamation:

…And maybe I’m just makin’ shit up!

Because all that is out of integrity, all that is in any way negatively-oriented or self-reducing, all that feels “off” in any way, all that is “who I am” and “what I want,” it’s all being realized so clearly as false and misaligned. With peaceful acceptance or kicking and screaming, it’s all itching to be burned up in the light of awareness, now.

Every seemingly concrete thing I might attempt to point my finger at and say, “May I?” reduces itself to a sand heap, blown away by a wind felt so forcefully and gracefully yet ever unseen.

Maybe you know what I’m talking about.

And maybe you don’t.

...Maybe I’m just makin’ shit up!

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