Thursday, February 7, 2019

Fighting Fire With Fire

by John Boodhansingh of Zero Mindfulness



If we want to learn how to build a birdhouse, we would go to someone who builds birdhouses and have them teach us. We would then be able to build a birdhouse.

If we want to learn how to formally set a table, we would go to someone who knows how to formally set a table and have them teach us. We would then be able to set a table formally.

If we want to learn how to succeed in life, we would go to someone who has succeeded in life and have them teach us. We would take the knowledge and practices acquired and work our way toward success.


There’s a very logical cause and effect process to learning:
  1. We don’t know something.
  2. We decide to learn about it.
  3. We find one or more teachers in the field.
  4. We learn from them.
  5. We do what we’ve learned on our own.
Whatever we may wish to learn, whatever we may seek guidance regarding, this is the general process of how education works.

It’s a one for one deal. For instance, we don’t spend four years doing college-level coursework in engineering only to leave with a bachelor’s degree in fine arts.

This is the way it works in absolutely every area of life. We’re bound to pick up some information outside of our main area of focus, but again, we get out the equivalent of what we apply ourselves to.


As obvious as this concept is, or so it would seem, what’s strange is that in practice many people see violence toward children as an appropriate, even right, teacher of qualities such as “good behavior” and “non-violence.”

If anyone has ever done it, I would really, really like to know: Have you ever put out fire with fire?


There is a significant portion of people who come from the old worldview that believe violence is the answer.

I’m not referring, here, to warmongers, gang members, etc. I’m referring to average people: average people who even when they say they don’t believe violence is the answer, they do.

This is proven by their reactivity (offensive-/defensiveness) when interacting with others, their carelessness of how they treat their bodies (willfully poor eating, dis-ease, etc.), their disregard for other life forms (e.g.: “So I cut down a tree. I’m still breathing,” or, “They’re just dumb animals.”), and so on.


This is most pertinent in the area of raising children.

This is for the reason that the root of violence in any area of life stems from what one had learned in their earliest years as a result of the behaviors (words mean little if actions don’t align) of their primary authority figures.

Let’s assume, as occurs most commonly, that the authority figures are a child’s parents. If the mother and father had experienced a heavy hand when they’d been children, absent healing (which is almost always the case), the mother and father will place the same heavy hand on any children they may have.

Each of their children will experience this to greater or lesser degrees, and generational shifts will naturally ease the intensity of negative interaction. Still, the issue persists. Parents, like anyone, will rarely do other than what they’d been programmed to do.


So let’s say that parents would like their child to behave. Their son seems “too wild.” They tell themselves (and likely the world suggests the same) that, “We must teach our son good behavior.”

The problem is, the parents don’t know how to properly educate their son on good behavior because they’d never learned it themselves. They believe they had, but to some greater or lesser degree they are wrong.

When the parents had been children, they’d also been perceived as “too wild.” Their respective parents had used violence such as spankings, belts, slaps to the face, etc. to get them to behave. When they eventually ceased misbehaving, their parents ceased using violence, and both parents and children perceived the new behavior as “good.”


What passes completely under the radar in this scenario is that the children being abused did not learn “good behavior” merely because, by parental standards, they’d ceased to “misbehave.”

Fantastically to the contrary, this “good behavior” is rent with fears, false beliefs, and traumas; this “good behavior” is an external effect which is the result of a psycho-emotionally repressed personality.

The ones doing the damage only see the child as having “good behavior” because this personality reflects their very own psycho-emotionally repressed personalities.


By all means, some of these same parents may well have imparted positive behavioral traits to their kids. But this could only be because the parents taught those traits by active example.

It is in no way possible to teach true good behavior (whatever that even means) by way of violence. Such a “fire fighter” may like to think of him- or herself as having “good behavior,” yet by their very use of violence as a teacher they prove of themselves the opposite.


Please contemplate this. Please work this concept into your understanding of life and see how it may apply to you.

If you have kids, if you wish your kids to truly have good behavior, you must first integrate this awareness within yourself and then adjust your parenting methods accordingly.

Whether you have kids or not, when you are in the presence of children who seem to be “misbehaved” and you compulsively think, “That girl should be slapped,” or, “If I were that boy’s father, I would take him home and belt him,” please, self-inquire as to the distortions within your own consciousness that would have you willingly violate a child, or endorse the violation of a child, for the sake of easing what is actually your personal, inner pain.


I feel it’s such a cliché to say, but children are the future of this world. It’s thus imperative that the kids who are now coming here are influenced as minimally as possible by our old, broken programming.

We must stop fighting fire with fire. We must stop using violence as a means of teaching “good behavior.”

If we want our children to truly exhibit good behavior, if we want a positive future for humanity, then it’s on us, those who are here right now, to resolve our internal distortions—the one’s we’ve been carrying since long before any subsequent generations have come along—and be role models for these children.

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