Saturday, October 5, 2019

You Say You Don’t Actually Mean That? Are You Sure?

by John Boodhansingh of Zero Mindfulness



Some time ago I was out for a walk and passed an older guy on a cellphone who sounded like he was talking to his grandson.

From what I briefly overheard it sounded as if the guy’s grandson had made a mild joke about this guy to which the guy laughingly responded, “Do you want a knuckle sandwich, kid!? Do you know what a knuckle sandwich is!? Do you want me to give you one!?”

As the guy said this, an image came to my mind of this grown man smashing his 10-year-old grandson’s jaw with his fist for making a silly joke about him.


This incident got me thinking about the irrational things we say that we don’t at all think are irrational.

Although usually said seriously, another phrase, which isn’t very common anymore and I probably remember more so from watching cartoons as a child, is, “You’d better scram before I make mincemeat out of you.”

If we would stop for a minute to actually think about what we’re saying, although these things may be meant jokingly, there’s still an edge of wickedness to them.

Our grandson makes a well-intentioned joke and we react by telling him we’re going to smash his teeth in?

Or maybe our neighbor doesn’t want us in his yard stealing tomatoes and he threatens to put us through the meat grinder?

Am I mistaken to say these things are at least a little bit intense?

While I can accept humor where humor is due and seriousness where seriousness is due, the fact that threats—and such harsh threats, at that, even without any intention of following through—are how a person impulsively responds seems to point back to something internally troubling.


I’ve become far more conscious of my own language over the last decade, and I’ve noticed how, as I clean up my internal world, it rarely occurs to me to make such threats. Of the few times that I do I tend to feel very awkward about it.

Ten years ago I was of a coarser level of consciousness. For someone to make a joke about me that I knew was a joke and one which I would have agreed was it’s true and funny and ha-ha-ha, I might have jokingly replied with a statement such as, “I’ve killed people for lesser offenses.”

Nowadays, I can’t say that I’d never say such things again. But I’m quite uncomfortable with it.

Why would I want to tell someone, especially if they’re being humorous and mean no offense, that I’m going to bust their face in?

What would my mental disposition have to be that, if a kid were to come into my garden and steal some tomatoes, my instinctive response would be a threat to hack him into 50,000 itty-bitty pieces?


An interesting thing about all this is that the violence is perceived as acceptable.

You never hear of two characters on TV or your brother say to his wife, “If you don’t get over here and help me right now, I’m going to come over there and rape you!”

Woah!

Culturally speaking, by and large, rape has never been acceptable. Violence, however, often as a solution, has been glorified.

Child-rearing, or beating the shit out of one’s kids for the sake of conformity and devil-purging, was a totally acceptable practice not all that long ago. Some parents even still practice milder forms of it.

And in the media, what would TV, movies, video games, and the news be without violence?

This is something that sits in our consciousness both individually and collectively. It drives us to say things we may not think we mean but on some level do.

There’s something in us that wants revenge. There’s something hidden deeply within us that gets triggered unreasonably and uses current events, which reflect the original, repressed, traumatizing events, to give us an excuse to get a little bit of the revenge we desire.


Periodically on this blog I talk about words and phrases and their often unrealized power of creation; I talk about the different ways people manipulate words in an effort to manipulate others.

What must also be understood is what was created before the words that the words themselves are now pointing to.

How we use language is not an accident.

How we use language is directly correlated to our inner state, most of which remains in our subconscious and thus out of our conscious awareness.

In a way it could be said that “speaking just happens” for most people because most people don’t place conscious attention on what they say. The words just tumble out of their mouths as a combination of their understanding of grammar, their culture, and what resonates with their state of consciousness.

Other times on this blog I’ve mentioned how people may think they can hide their issues but can never actually do so completely because they’re always somehow giving themselves away.

The way a person speaks is a great example of this.

Yes, some people are pretty good at “speaking highly” (and will reveal themselves in other ways). But peoples' secrets are usually embedded in their very words.

Because if words and ways of speaking, whether lighter or darker, don’t resonate with one’s inner state of being, the person simply won’t say them.

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