Saturday, March 20, 2021

Maturity: The Lies of Age And Adulthood

by John Boodhansingh of Zero Mindfulness

Let me ask you something…

What is “adulthood” and when does it begin?

I think the average person would define “adulthood” as something roughly like, “the age at which a society deems people mature and self-responsible.” If one lives in a location such as the US, the given age would probably be 18.

I disagree with this perspective.

While the term “adulthood” is generally understood and used by people to define a singular thing (at least it’s always seemed so to me), there are actually a few differing types of adulthood.

“Social adulthood” is the age at which a society deems a person fit for self-sufficiency, self-responsibility, etc., and depending upon one’s place of residence, the age ranges anywhere from 15 to 21. There is also “biological adulthood” which begins around age 11 at the onset of puberty. Somewhat more recently, research has suggested that key areas of brain development (such as that needed to inhibit impulses and to make smarter decisions) aren’t even completed until age 25, and so what we think of as full adulthood should perhaps be delayed. The age of adulthood may vary as well in places where religious law is effect, for example, Judaism places it at age 13.

Furthermore, generalizing “adulthood” is simplistic considering that, again depending upon one’s place of residence, “adulthood” may or may not include being of age to consent to sex, to drink alcohol, to vote, to marry, to buy porn, and to do a number of other things.

So then, What is “adulthood” and when does it begin?

I don’t know. It seems to be a fairly arbitrary thing. Does “adulthood” really exist?

Even if everyone on this planet agreed that age 18 would be the defining time for a “minor” to lawfully become an “adult” and be given any and all rights they’ve yet to receive, well, quite frankly, I think that would be stupid. I think how we do it now is stupid, and I think however we might do it without burning down the old and building something entirely new would most likely be stupid, too.

The law isn’t wholly without value, but to basically drop millions or billions of people living under the law into the same basket is very unreasonable.

It’s Pretty Meaningless

To live in our society and be an “adult” doesn’t actually mean all that much.

Let’s use the example of citizens being allowed to get a driver’s license at 16 years of age. No one exactly equates being a driver with being an adult (at least not in the US), but since so many people drive and so many people have to drive, it could be seen as a significant step in growing up.

I’ve had a driver’s license for the last 20 years and have never been in a car crash. Yes, there have been close calls in which I would have been responsible, but I’ve still never been in one.

Maybe I’ve just got good driving karma, but there’s also the fact that, for the most part, I’m an observant driver who has good spatial perception, awareness of vehicle size, and ability to maneuver. Moreover, I’m not someone who’s afraid to drive, can’t see over the steering wheel, aggressive, and/or tries to drive, eat lunch, and send text messages all at the same time.

But there are people whose minds are permanently in LaLaLand, are afraid to drive, can’t see over the steering wheel, drive too aggressively, try to drive, eat a burger, and send text messages all at the same time, and/or God only knows what else. And these people, as long as they pass a driving test (usually at age 16), are allowed to drive freely until the day they die, go blind, or lose all four limbs.

They may be in their “driver adulthood,” but do you know what they’re not? They’re not mature drivers. They could be 66 years old and have 50 years of driving experience, but their being on the road has been a danger to themselves and others from the start.

Maturity Is Key

I’m not the kind of person who wants to have people’s rights taken from them unjustly. And I certainly don’t agree with the way the government does it: revoking the inalienable rights people were born with only to give or sell them back at a later date (if ever) as if people should feel privileged to have them at all.

But there is something to be said about merely being an “adult” versus actually being mature.

What “adulthood” is for our society is merely an age marker within the manmade structural confines laid out by so-called “authority.” It has little-to-nothing to do with having reached some reasonably elevated level of smarts, intelligence, wisdom, physical growth, emotional peace, sexual balance, and/or spiritual openness. “Adulthood” is, as stated a second ago, a lawful marker before and after which unalienable rights are stolen and given or sold back.

People have been programmed to believe that “social adulthood,” which is the main form of adulthood that everyone clings to, is more or less synonymous with “maturity,” yet this is hardly the case at all.

I realize that if people we’re asked to differentiate between people who are “mature” and people who are “adults,” those in the “mature” category would have the upper hand regarding positive traits. Nevertheless, “adulthood” when viewed alone certainly carries strong connotations of maturity.

Aging as a Continuum

The law (in the US) draws the line of “adulthood,” including the age of consent, at age 18. There are some exceptions, but let’s not get too particular.

If there arises an intimate relationship in which one person is older than 18 and one is younger, things can get hairy—people start freaking out and the law may force its way in. Obviously, the consequences of familial shaming or civil punishment or otherwise can be severe and amazingly uncomfortable.

On one hand, the way these societal norms and legal rulings work is great because they help to keep the pedophiles in check.

On the other hand, they completely ignore the fact that aging doesn’t happen like the ticking of clock but on a continuum—one in which the people of any given age may share similarities but also many differences, such as in the rates of maturation in different areas (mental, emotional, etc.).

Have you ever had someone ask you on your birthday if you feel any older? Unless you’ve got some distorted attachment to age, of course you would say no. To think anyone would notice a difference just by going to sleep 17 and waking up 18 is absurd. “Adulthood” arriving on the dot at 12:00am at age 18 doesn’t in any way make sense by the natural unfoldment of Nature.

Suppose, for example, a 16-year-old wants to date a 20-year old (and vice versa, it’s totally consenting). We’ll even go so far as to say that these two people have been lifelong friends, so they know each other very well.

Is this really such a tragedy? Many people would say it is. I mean, that’s a sophomore in high school dating a sophomore in college, and one is a minor and one is an adult. That’s weird. And pedo-ish, too.

Is it? From what standpoint? From who’s point of view?

If these two people were 22 and 26, no one would care. Shift the age back by a few years and people start gagging.

This reaction is not innate to the body due to a repulsion of Nature (such as the Yuck! Reflex is to incest). It is a programmed reaction.

We have such an overly structured and stratified, and thus highly restrictive, society that we do not allow people to be their natural selves.

If we were to contrast schools, those in which 99.9% of people go to (i.e.: the ever-degrading mandated/forced education of rote memorization, most information of which people soon forget) versus those in which the students of various ages are all thrown together and given freedom to learn at their own pace, we’d see that the students in the latter group are vastly more respectful, balanced, self- and other-validating, creative, cooperative, and so on.

In the latter group, a kid who is 13 doesn’t look down on another kid who is 10 simply because the kid who is 10 is younger than him. Everyone goes at their own pace, so kids learn and retain plenty without the inherently artificial, competitive social divisiveness of traditional education. Students behave based on what they feel rather than what “authority” demands that they feel; they’re not forced to repress their truths and needs only for them to result as negative behavior patterns.

This kind of schooling offers a great real-life example of how children mature quite naturally when in a holistically nourishing environment.

It also offers a great real-life example of aging as a continuum. When people aren’t conditioned into the all-pervasive, artificial strictures of our society, they simply don’t acquire the programming to falsely perceive and judge each other and life circumstances like the rest of us do.

Maturity Is Not Asexual

A major thing that far too many people do not understand or accept is that, contrary to what is commonly the case with “adults,” maturity is not resistive to sexuality. In order to be a mature human being, one must accept the totality of their inherent human sexual nature.

Whether one is a monk who’s never had sex or masturbated in his life, or an average person who has average sex on an average basis, or a sex-enthusiast who is into some kinky, off-the-wall behaviors, true maturity demands the acceptance of whatever is uniquely sexually true to a given person—absent all repression.

Imagine if the Earth created a law that said clouds could no longer form or precipitate over landmasses, and all the waters of the Earth submissively obeyed…!

Changing the scale but of no less value: What difference is there when men and women are born with genitals and the drive to have sex but “authorities” such as the Catholic Church demand that unless one is intent on having a child no one should dare so much as even think about their genitals or sex—just push them away completely, dammit!—and if they do think about or dare touch them in enjoyment, they will be tormented with untold levels of shame and guilt and the unbound Wrath of God for Eternity. And all this while people are constantly forced to witness the pleasure of sexual expression, both overtly and subliminally, in movies, on TV, in advertisements, in clothing design, and so on.

What makes matters worse is that sexual expression is directly tied to emotional function and creativity. No matter how “adult” one may seem, no matter how well a person of 18 years of age or older may fit into society, the simple fact is that sexuality, emotional balance and flow, and creative expression all improve together and decline together. All three are critical aspects of true maturity, yet also aspects that for many people continue to seriously suffer.

“Sex Education”

When you’re able to grasp how crucial sexuality, emotion, and creativity are to the well-being and maturity of a human, it’s easy to see how “authority” has, for eons, forcefully, but usually very deceptively, used the repression of these forms of human expression to harm us.

Let me tell you a little about my life experience prior to ten years ago…

When I was growing up, I hardly heard a peep about sex. No matter where I was, there was an unspoken rule that you just don’t speak or ask anything about anything about anything about sex or the erect penis or masturbation or anything. Ever.

My early sex education consisted of one, 45 minute class in a Catholic school in 5th grade at age 11. The guys and the girls went into separate classrooms, and the guys listened to the gym teacher talk about the fact that we were at an age when we’ll start sweating and smelling more, we’ll grow pubic hair, and we’ll experience nocturnal emissions. Then when it was over we were all given a sample stick of Old Spice.

So I guess it was more of a puberty talk than a sex talk, huh? Oh, right… But in religion class, we did watch a documentary. I think it was called, “The Miracle of Life”—and the teacher fast-forwarded through the sex part… “They were just dancing.”

In my freshman year of Catholic high schooling at age 15, I had one more sex education class which replaced a single day’s religion class. We were taught by a really unhappy, lifelong priest. Somebody… please tell me… How does a man who, theoretically, has not touched his dick for 45 years and has probably never had sex have any right to teach me or anyone else anything about sex!?

I don’t remember the discussion other than that, surprisingly to all of us Catholic kids, the priest said the Catholic Church says anything is allowed during sex as long the penis ejaculates inside the vagina. One kid even asked, “So it’s okay to stick it in her pooper?” and the priest said, “Anything, as long as…” …Well, for whatever it’s worth. I never heard that anywhere else, and any faithful Catholic I’d ever met to that point seemed way too repressive to even think to do something like that.

And that was it. What do female genitals look like? What are the names and functions of the various parts of male and female genitals? What if I rub my penis while I’m in the shower? What changes take place to a woman’s body when she’s pregnant? Why do I get random boners every day in English class? (Is it a foreshadowing that I’m going to be a writer?) How can one prevent premature ejaculation? Do women’s breasts really feel like sandbags? What’s that clear, sticky, slippery stuff that slowly leaks out once I get excited?

What anything, anything at all!? Just somebody please tell me something practical! And if you’re not going to tell me about it, if it’s all truly that bad, can you at least freakin’ tell me how to deal with my sexual desires and frustrations in a healthy way? Cut it out with the “just don’t do it” and “pray about it” shit. For what human being have such suggestions and demands ever worked (for longer than three hours, without laying on heavy guilt, and without compensating for unfulfilled desire by nomming down cake and potato chips)!?

How can educators teach for countless thousands of hours on the topics of math, science, religion, history, and so much more, but no one dares make more than a quick, muffled whisper about genitals, sex, and the subject of procreation?

Even as I got older, any talk of sex-related topics was 98% of the time just toilet humor or guy friends saying things like, “I’d do her,” or, “I got a glimpse of Marie’s panties the other day.” Any meaningful conversation was extremely rare.

Folks, this is what’s called an environment of sexual hyper-repression. It is incredibly unnatural and unhealthy. I’ve carried a lot of other baggage that has influenced my thoughts and behaviors for the negative, but this environment of sexual denial had a majorly negative impact on me.

My Unhappy Life

I’ve spent the “better” part of my life largely paralyzed when it comes to women and in fantastical shame and guilt when “handling my business.” Due my profound naiveté, ignorance, guilt, and fear, high school was a super uncomfortable time for me, college was a nightmare, and the few years to follow were basically an awkward void.

There were so many good experiences I could have had, but they either ended quickly and with difficulty or I’d avoided them altogether. On a scale of 1 to 10 my openness to activities such as dancing and singing has been somewhere around a 0.6, and socially I’ve been the person who stands there like a statue because he’s so inept.

Ten years ago my life completely fell apart, so I can’t say much for this past decade; it’s been nothing but rebuilding. While my approach to personal sexuality, self-acceptance, etc. has dramatically improved, any desire for a relationship or sexual intimacy has been entirely irrelevant. (I thank the heavens for fap material… No, not that, you pervert… It’s material for academic purposes. It’s been very educational…)

Folks, I took a hit, and I took a hit hard. I’m not entirely sure why, but nearly everyone I’ve ever known has to a greater or lesser degree been able to socialize, emote, and express themselves sexually in ways I could only imagine.

Maybe I’m extra sensitive, maybe I was too naive and misplaced my trust as a child, maybe I was too fearful of being punished for not accepting the word of “authority,” or maybe in a previous life I was a raging sexaholic with a harem of delicious women and my karma thus far has been to suffer as lonely little boy…

Whatever the case might be, I’m still a product of the environment I grew up in. Necessarily, my distorted, immature disposition reflects the distorted, immature nature of the people, circumstances, and structures of that environment. No child who is born innocent and unaware could ever dream of or create such a fucked up world on his or her own.


Consider this:

When you look at ratings of movies, games, etc., there’s always an information box that tells you the general rating as well as particular features. While exact ratings may vary depending upon location, the ratings generally run from the mild, “G” for “General Audiences,” with features listed such as “comic mischief,” to the heavy, “AO” for “Adult’s Only,” with features listed such as, you know, stuff and things…

When it comes to products in a store or going to the movies, the products and tickets are not allowed to be sold to people who fall into age categories below the ones listed. When it comes to watching TV, it’s more a matter of people needing to be honest about their age.

Obviously, I think designating exact age groups is stupid, but I don’t think the basic usage of ratings is unreasonable. If I’m looking around in Blockbuster for a random movie to watch, it’s nice to know whether or not it’s for children or if it’s hyper-violent. The problem I see is that things are still manipulated and controlled excessively.

Consider American TV programming. It’s deplorable, I know, but if you can bear with me for a moment…

When was the last time you saw a set of bare boobs on a regular TV show?

Strange, isn’t it? You may well have seen heavily implied sex, lots of kissy-feely, and barely dressed women with nipples trying to poke through their shirts, but unless you’ve watched documentaries about the indigenous tribes of Africa, chances are extremely high that you’ve never seen a boob on TV. I bet, however, that you’ve seen intense violence and gore, alcoholism, and drug use, and I’ve bet you’ve heard explicit language.

Maybe two years ago, I watched an episode of Manifest on NBC after which the news came on. I rarely watch cable TV to begin with and watch mainstream news even less, but it happened that I watched some of the news that night—and was, seemingly, physically pained.

One of the anchors told about how in downtown Philadelphia some hoodlums broke into a house, lined up all the occupants kneeling on the basement floor, and shot them all in the head execution-style. This is not a quote, but it’s really damn close. Over the course of a single minute, the newswoman literally repeated that same progression of events with the same words about five times.

I can’t adequately explain the pain I felt as I listened to her. I’ve experienced a lot of different pains in my life in a lot of different intensities, but I don’t remember ever feeling what I felt as she told that story. (Not knowing how else to put it or if this is even accurate to say:) It was as though her words were a psychic attack that had a physical component to them.

How is it that there can be scenes on TV that can churn any reasonable person’s stomach, that we can have unrated news broadcasts that inflict tremendous fear and heartache, but a little extra flesh is treated like it would corrupt people beyond repair?

How is it that TV shows have a rating system to note age ranges and specific features, but with the dumpster fires of modern programming they have yet to create a rating category of “NFAE,” for “Not For Anyone Ever,” that would note features such as “IQ depleting” and “excessive disinformation”?

I’d ask how we’re supposed to grow up and mature sexually when society treats people like a bunch of babies, but that’s likely a misplaced question since babies get more boob time than grown-ups do. Otherwise, all the violence and gore and the like simply makes us numb—they stunt our maturation processes.

But, I don’t know, I do wonder sometimes if my perspective is wrong…

Maybe God was right to throw Adam and Eve out of Paradise. Maybe they could have stayed, but Eve kept flashing her tits at Adam, Adam couldn’t control his serpent, and, well, here we are…


Since our world is so hell-bent on intellectuality, another huge misconception that’s arisen is that being educated makes people more mature.

Really, though, all this does is make them more lopsided.

Consider the fact that most people go to school for around 18 of the first 25 years of their lives but hardly learn anything practical: cooking, personal care, house maintenance, financial management, what to do in case of an emergency, raising children, gardening, and so on. Likewise, classes in creativity are woefully absent.

Folks, think about what you were forced to learn in high school. Now…

If you’re not a chemist, when was the last time you needed to know the molar weight of C6H12O6?

If you’re not a mathematician or engineer, when was the last time you had to use functional analysis to calculate an oblique asymptote?

If you’re not a historian, when was the last time you had to know the origins of the people of Bolivia?

Right. But I bet for the vast majority of you who are out of school, you have to cook, you have to do house maintenance, you have to manage finances, you may have planted a garden, and so on. There’s a good chance, whether professionally or as a hobby, you’ve wanted to expand yourself creatively perhaps through artwork or music. These are vital life skills and forms of self-expression that work us holistically in body, mind, emotion, and spirit.

But, yeah, I know, meaningful education doesn’t do much to stimulate the economy while producing massive debt slavery.

And that depresses me, so I’m going to go hit the bar for some suppression medication. Because I’m over 21, so I do have that final adult privilege of being able to consume alcohol. I’ll go exercise my right to choose maturely by drinking a strongly endorsed, legalized substance that with every added drop further reduces my ability to choose maturely.

Don’t judge. I’m an adult.

Empty Vessels

In closing, I’d like to leave you with this thought:

When we’re born, we’re empty.

Some people might argue that we’re probably carrying negative karma from past lives or whatever, but the simple fact is that a just-born child, absent womb or birthing trauma, is basically an empty vessel waiting to be filled.

Even if it’s true that a child were carrying past-life trauma, if it were born into a happy, healthy, kind, abundant, safe environment, the child would not have that past trauma triggered repeatedly and have it continually compounded. The child would still have to heal it at some point, but the child wouldn’t be defined by it.

Similar could be said of the opposite: If a child with past lives of peace and joy were born into a nightmare, that child would still take on heavy trauma and exhibit negative behaviors accordingly.

Now… Whatever is part of Nature—as human beings are—has an innate capability to live effortlessly within Nature, as cohesive cells within the body of Creation.

When Nature is allowed to do its thing unhindered, there exists no knowledge of any such thing as “adulthood.” Furthermore, “age” is not so much a thing since any given point in the future from “now” is just a progressed moment in the flow of time. And it is within this unending flow of time in which the thing we call “maturity” happens quite automatically.

But if you look at our society which has been in endless planning, forced forward, and thrust upon us for eons by “authorities” such as government and religion, you would notice that our collective maturation has nearly ground to a halt.

That the whole cosmos exists and has not yet self-destructed is proof that Nature worksamazingly well. It is also proof that, as an inseparable part of Nature, we have been doing something terribly wrong.

To be our fake selves as we’ve been since time immemorial, we must be thoroughly conditioned, and this programming must be reinforced over and over and over again.

To be our true selves, all we need to do is, well, nothing.

Why? Because Nature never ceases to break down what is unnatural in order to return it to itself. Our society is one of endless reinforcement because it is not true, it is not natural.

We could be anything. We could be absolutely anything. It all depends on the composition of the substances that fill the empty vessels. It all depends on whether or not we’re willing to empty the toxified vessels we’ve become and refill them with what is natural, what is pure.

“Adulthood” is a fluffy word to please ignorant, artificial egos.

Maturation is what happens when people are real.